miss rema erd

hello and welcome and yo.

i am Hannah (my name's a palindrome).
i am the first daughter of the first daughter of the first daughter.
i love my family deep deep. my favourite red is carmaine.

i also love football, good books, sunsets, grinning babies, poets, photographers, a good intellectual conversation, quirky people, pious bad boys with soft hearts and good minds, happy surprises, the rain, flat shoes, the thought of painting, coffeebean's caramel ice blend, borders (as in the bookstore), bubble tea, and waking up on my own.


/ Donate blood @ Outram completed on 23/03/2008
/ Ice Skate @ Kallang Leisure Park
/ Rollerblade @ ECP
/ Plan a community service project coming up!
/ Enter a photography contest
/ Jog with Tch Rapiah @ Tamp Stadium coming up!
/ Buy an English translation Qura'an
/ Buy the $100 book on the 4 Imams
/ Take up a new skill @ a CC
/ Paint a picture by Singapore River
/ Play paintball @ SDC
/ Go to the Tree Top @ MacRitchie
/ Learn how to (really) ride a horse
/ Plan an event for my old Madrasah
/ Get that DSLR i've been drooling for found Colby on 05/05/2008

To describe today, the words "crappy", "exhausting" and "mind-blowing" comes to mind. There's a full moon tonight, so sue me for blaming it for my current crabby-ness. I couldn't care less. I'm currently facing a mini-dilemma whether to post this online, or have my "guardian angel" hear my angst out, but whattheheck here goes nothing:

When Mr. Nah told the class we were going to be facing a CHANGE, I should have known that my day would be less-than-perfect - no, correction - pretty sucky, on the whole. Because I was dragged out of my comfort zone at 9 in the morning, my expectations for the rest of the day was far from optimistic, even though I personally feel Mondays are my days. My here's-starting-off-my-life-again day.

In Mr. Nah's class, I was initially in a group of 6: Khai, Nadiah, Nurul, Corinne, Azad and myself. The change (which, being a Cancerian, I am never fond of) was forced so that one of us had to be the sacrificial lamb to form another group. For the next 30 thud-thud minutes, all I could think of was: crap crap crap! Khai suggested we draw lots, but the fear of letting fate decide my existence in a group that was so commodious was simply too much. I couldn't do it.

In the end, Corrine offered herself to leave the group. I didn't know which felt worse: Corinne, my momo monster, leaving the group, or me feeling relieved that it wasn't me who had to go. No, you don't have to tell me I am selfish; it has been bugging me at the back of my head all day.

I thanked God profusely when Mr. Nah allowed us to leave the class at 10am, 2 hours before class actually ends. Me and the girls excluding Azad then made our way to the library to get some books to help us on our research. After about 20 minutes of books with our long faces, the four of us sat down to just chill. Khai talked to Nadiah, and Nurul to me.

Hearing Nurul pour out her life stories was like hearing myself talk. It's like, the things that she said, in my head I was going "Oh gosh. That's exactly what I'm going through. That's just how my life is, too. Yes, that's how I feel, too!" Frankly, she didn't have to say much to have me understand. It's looking at the mirror, listening to myself. And the plus side is, I get to hear her opinions on what she thinks about it. I guess it does feels better, knowing that you are not exactly alone, even if you truly are. And I am for sure not implying that our life is equally great/horrible, but what we are going through is just understandable for the both of us.

At 1130, we left and sat in front of the library to wait for my Waneh. Nadiah and Nurul left and Shaf, Hafidz and then Wani joined Khai and me. The five of us had our lunch and crapped about, yada yada yada, allowing me to push away some less-than-nice thoughts. Much later, met Mel, then dropped by Wani's for Zohor and Asar prayers (thanks, Waneh) and by 530pm (7 and a half hours after my previous class) I was on my way for my final lecture for the day.

And she messaged me.

I hate can't stand her pretenses and facade. Why does she have to hide behind her hey-what's-up-my-friend mask when what she reeeally wants to do is flaunt and rub knead smear it on my face? Just say it la! Ding dang dooks la you. So thanks for that.

That pretty much sums up why I am "slightly" pissed off at the world right now. Yes, I agree that I am exaggerating things, that yes, there are worse things in life Han, stop magnifying your problems like you're the only one having them, but forgive me for not being able to smile for this instance.

And the lecture was dragging, okay. Yes, ma'am, is was more than fairly interesting, but don't draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag it la. Painful you know my ass, sitting there.

And to top things off, I came back to a room that just shouts out PEOPLE-HAVE-BEEN-IN-YOUR-ROOM-MESSING-THINGS-AROUND. Sorry la girls, I had a truly long day. It doesn't help that I find my sanctuary in a mess, what with your things all over the floor, the phone off the wall and just.. urgh la.

So what do I do to calm me down? Therapy comes in different, weird ways for different, weird people like me. Like scrubbing the toilet floor, washing the dishes or re-decorating my room. Change it, so that somehow, it would be different - better - and hopefully so would my nerves and mood.

I re-deco my wall. I pasted frogs on it.




So yah. Phew. Frogs has once-upon-a-time been a secret (not anymore) symbol for me, on men. There was this quote that says, "Kissed many frogs. Still no Prince" that means somewhat a lot to me. And having those frogs pictured alongside flowers, something that I simply enjoy of life, is meaningful, and to have them on my wall is a sight for sore eyes.

There you go; something I can finally smile about. Alhamdulillah..

broke my fall (0)

There are many reasons why fish sometimes drown. They need oxygen to live, and if they swim into oxygen-depleted waters, they will drown.

John Locke said: Education begins the gentleman,
but reading, good company and reflection
must finish him.


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

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